Brave -vs- Chickenshit

So, R was there at WAM last night.  Looking adorable as always.  I could feel the energy of him around me.  It was so powerful I felt I would fall over.  After the meeting, he said my name in his funny tone and I turned back and asked if he was going to Jenn's birthday party.  He said that he didn't know anything about it.  I told him that I called Eric earlier in the day and asked that he call the guys and spread the word.  Jenn shows up and she talked to R.  He said that he wanted to go and might go but wasn't sure.  Found out that Angela's birthday celebration was that night, too.  Tyler, Jon, Leslie, Ashley and I went to Jenn's party in Addison.  The girls and I talked about the situation that I'm in.  I explained that I have put a lot of thought into this, a lot of prayer, a lot of talking to Julie -- weighing the pros and cons and am almost to the point of talking to him.  I'm terrified.  Ashley said that as long as I was okay with a no or a yes then there would be no harm whatsoever.  This is something that I have to get off my chest.  Hopefully I'll get the opportunity to talk to him soon.  Not sure if he'll be there tonight or at the meeting tomorrow.  Guess we'll see.  Either way, I guess I'm ready to be grounded in terms of rejection or the possibility of becoming something with him again.  Boys and feelings suck!!  :)  I swear, you'd think I was 14.