Brave -vs- Chickenshit

So, R was there at WAM last night.  Looking adorable as always.  I could feel the energy of him around me.  It was so powerful I felt I would fall over.  After the meeting, he said my name in his funny tone and I turned back and asked if he was going to Jenn's birthday party.  He said that he didn't know anything about it.  I told him that I called Eric earlier in the day and asked that he call the guys and spread the word.  Jenn shows up and she talked to R.  He said that he wanted to go and might go but wasn't sure.  Found out that Angela's birthday celebration was that night, too.  Tyler, Jon, Leslie, Ashley and I went to Jenn's party in Addison.  The girls and I talked about the situation that I'm in.  I explained that I have put a lot of thought into this, a lot of prayer, a lot of talking to Julie -- weighing the pros and cons and am almost to the point of talking to him.  I'm terrified.  Ashley said that as long as I was okay with a no or a yes then there would be no harm whatsoever.  This is something that I have to get off my chest.  Hopefully I'll get the opportunity to talk to him soon.  Not sure if he'll be there tonight or at the meeting tomorrow.  Guess we'll see.  Either way, I guess I'm ready to be grounded in terms of rejection or the possibility of becoming something with him again.  Boys and feelings suck!!  :)  I swear, you'd think I was 14.

MRI Day

So...I've been having Migraine headaches for the past six months or so.  I've seen more doctors and spent more on co-pays than a normal person generally would.  At the beginning of February I started seeing a Neurologist.  He diagnosed me "Chronic Migraine Sufferer" (DUH!) and my MRI and MRA is scheduled for this morning.  It was my understanding that within 5 business days I should know the results.  So, after this procedure I will be meeting Leslie to take a meeting to Maggie's House.  I'm excited about it.

Bad Dreams

Just was startled awake a few minutes ago by a bad dream.  Very bizarre.

I was at this mansion...don't recall ever being there.  It was a vacation home of sorts -- lots of balconies, palm trees, lounge chairs and the like.  Prior to this I was on a street walking.  My daughter and my ex-husband were driving by and saw me.  She had a soccer game that day.  They stopped and she was running towards me.  I hugged on her and my ex played with my dog (which is unusual being that he's not nice to her in real life).  Flip to the vacation house.  I'm upstairs in the suite and there are two guys up there and we're about to have sex, I guess?  J went inside and took a shower.  It dawned on me that he would have seen the two guys that were upstairs waiting on me.  I guess we were going to have sex?  I told him that I had company and he would have to leave.  It occurred to me that he would have seen them.  He didn't.  J went upstairs and changed into his pajamas, ready to go to sleep in the same bed as I would. The guys walk out of the huge walk-in closet and I ask him to go back downstairs.  I'm sober in real life but in my dream I think I was drunk or something because these guys were awful looking and what was originally two guys turned into 4 guys and 2 girls.  The girls are asking questions (these men are their husbands or friends or something) and apparently I'm a prostitute?  Or just trying to make extra money?  I quickly excuse myself, coming to my senses and run downstairs.  D is asleep but I run outside looking for J to help me kick these people out.  He said that he would.  My Mom is there along with my Dad and she says that she has already run their credit card for the service and I told my Dad what all of this was about, supposedly.  I was terrified and ran to the bathroom to vomit.  D was in there throwing up too.  (I'm guessing she was sick and was coincidentally throwing up, too.)  

Then I woke up.

Just yuck.  I feel all sorts of unsettled.

Thursday Night Laziness

Well, my blog is officially set up.  Chillin' out on the couch being lazy.  I'm kid-free for the remainder of the weekend so it's nice to have a clean house and no kiddo shows on.  One more day of work this week and then it's time to play!

We're going out for Jenn's birthday tomorrow night after WAM.  I will decide to be brave and put one last effort out there to see if the 'unmentionable' notices.  If not, I shall move on.  Not what I want to do but perhaps he'll come around one of these days.  Tyler referred to it as little bread crumbs that he sporadically leaves for me.  Nicely put.  Ugh...guys suck.  :)

He showed up tonight at the meeting...walked in while I was talking to Carr.  My back was to the room itself so not sure where he walked to but just as soon as he was in, he was on his phone back out.  I saw him linger in the hallway on the phone and then he was gone.  He was wearing a button down shirt with a tie.  Bizarre for him.  Perhaps he's growing up after all.

Nothing exciting about this post...just wanted to get it started.

H