Lost

So, it's a Friday night. I decided to stay in. With my beloved dog, Bella. Just don't want to put in the effort to get ready and socialize with people when I'd rather be a shut-in for the evening. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man who travels a good majority of the time. He was home for ten days, six of which he worked locally but was able to come home and sleep in our bed with me. That was nice. He left yesterday for a fifteen day trip. So, he won't be home until the beginning of April. I miss him so much when he's gone. I've found, after experiencing the beginning-middle-end of these trips that I know what to expect at each of these periods of time. Right now, I miss him terribly. The first several days are really tough. I tend to get on with my normal life during the middle of the trip, and then by the time he's about to come home, I'm reminded of him coming home soon and I get giddy. Rinse and repeat. And, to be clear - I'm not a needy, co-dependent sort of girl. I've been independent for years now so it's not completely necessary to have my partner-in-crime to be at my side 24/7 (I hate that expression but nothing seemed to make the point better). But, in having found my 'person' in life, I do miss him when he's not here with me.

That aside, I'm also a mother. A very good, loving mother. My ex-husband and I have joint custody of my little girl and I want nothing more than for her to be with me. I won't get into the level of disappointment I have in the person he is, the father he is, his level of selfishness, the absolute fear in her regarding his disapprovement...the whole thing. On the day that he got her back for the evening, my little girl just called me. Her dad has friends over, of whom will be sleeping her her bed, causing her to sleep in his with him tonight. She called me to talk and read her a book so that she could go to sleep. Those ten minutes of reading, following the twenty minutes of talking to one another is what makes me feel totally complete in knowing that I'm a wonderful mother to a little girl who knows that she can absolutely count on me.

That phone call made me feel so, so, so much better.